But I Thought I Was Done

I sat in what was supposed to be a posh and bustling New Years Eve venue, tugging at the last few minutes of 2008 so we could blow our horns, toast with champagne - and just hug our girlfriends because no decent single men were available for kisses... operative word being single. Decent was negotiable at that point!

I looked at my beautiful, accomplished and adventureous friend and thought "I wonder why some of us have to be single."

Because it really is a wonder.

A few minutes earlier - when my forementioned friend wondered aloud if she should use the last 10 minutes of 2008 to run out to the street and find a guy to kiss - I took the opportunity to whimper, "I thought I was done. I thought I wasn't going to have to date again."

Inside, I just wondered why I'm supposed to be alone.
I really think I'd be a great wife. Loving, supportive - maybe not so great in the kitchen but happy to make up for it in the bedroom or where ever. I'd make a wonderful mom. One who would actually ask her kid whether or not they prefer a nightlight - rather than sticking one in there just to cast scary shadows about the room.

What am I supposed to be learning here that I'm just not getting?
For that matter, what are my gorgeous, smart and successful friends supposed to be learning? Are we all just too dense?

When I think about dating - I sometimes get sidetracked thinking about how I need to get to the gym for a good year or so before I should even bother. I doubt many Colorado men are going to be too thrilled about my squishy muscles - especially when there are plenty of women out there who can handle their bikes on single tracks without jiggling all the way down the hill - and they probably aren't abstinent either so +2 points for the imaginary women / -2 points for me. What an incentive to get out there!

Where am I supposed to find this man of faith who is going to appreciate me? Where can I find a supply for my friends?

The countdown began. Glasses were lifted. My single girlfriend and I smiled at each other - pouted a little - then gave each other a long, firm hug.

At least we have each other.

I know this post sounds whiney - and one of my resolutions is be more positive about the breakup - because I know it was the right thing - doesn't mean it's not hard - this was my last indulgence.