Confusion in need of Confucious

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." - Confucious


I got the Fernbrook CSA apprenticeship.

I am so honored to be chosen for this position, but now in lieu of me actually being chosen (I didn't think I would get picked, I have no experience), I am on the fence about devoting 9 months of my life to farming/business of farming in a CSA. This is a major change for me and I am totally confused.Is my whole heart into it? Is this the answer right now? I am having doubts, is that normal? Why can't some SIGN show me this is right??? UGH... I feel I am on my own with this one.

My family & friends have been nothing but great with advice but my friend Daryl said something today which has stuck with me, "Will you be at a farther along place one you are done? Or will this make you go backwards?" In regard to my professional life. I know the only way to find out if you love something is to do it, but what if I hate it? I also basically got offered a job at the sweetest cafe on Long Beach Island after Easter and could chose to work there, shoot weddings, be with friends/family the whole summer. But I am not going anywhere professionally that way either. UGH SO CONFUSED.

On top of this, I feel like I am getting sick and have my little friend right now as well. Sorry this is so confusing, I feel like typing this out would help. And groin injury is better but I feel like I do not have time to workout because my thoughts are everywhere....

I e-mailed the guy I would be living with (he's 23 and the other apprentice, and it's funny I will weigh his response A LOT with making my decision) UM I'd be living with him for 9 months like a friggin' married couple. Same bathroom.....same sink same apartment.........

HELP!! WHAT DO I DO??????