New Years' Day

It was so nice out on New Years Day that I was able to walk the dogs. We had taken Chloe to meet her Dad on Wednesday, and Brooklyn had a buddy over to play. So Grandpa stayed home with the boys, and Grammy went on a walk. Sissy and Sammy were so excited! Sammy didn't even hide from me!

The past couple years, my friends and I have met up for coffee in the morning on New Years Eve to share thoughts as we lost a dear friend to suicide over New Years a couple years ago. I think this is the third New Year now without her----sometimes it seems like yesterday, sometimes it seems like forever ago.

At any rate, I felt so sad and missing her on New Years Day as I walked. I walked by her home, which is along my usual walking route, and remembered doing that exact same thing the year she left us, not knowing she was inside. I remember on that day wanting to stop and visit, but didn't see her vehicle on the street, so I assumed she was not home. Had I crossed the street I probably could have been the one to see the note on her front door. I am glad I wasn't the one to find the note. I think that would only make the sadness and emptiness worse. So, while walking, I called my friend, M, and talked to her a while. She is such a dear precious friend....and it was a calm peaceful feeling that came over me as we chatted, while I walked. I don't deny a few tears, but it sure did help. She is just so special.

Sorry to write about such sad things, but writing is a release, a way to get out those feelings. I haven't written much about my friend who committed suicide. I briefly wrote about it when a student committed suicide in October, 2007, but nothing much else.

It makes you feel so helpless and sad. It makes you angry and sad. It makes you lonesome and sad. But, you do start remembering why you loved your friend, and I truly, truly did. She and I had a lot of talks, laughs and shared tears. She just seemed to "know" me and me her. I could trust her with anything. I could listen to her, and she would listen to me, no matter what. She was just one person I could really, really relate to, love, talk with, laugh with, and cry with. I miss her all the time, but I know she is in a better place for her.

I talked to my very good friend, S, both New Years Eve and today, and she said she missed meeting for coffee too, so we made plans to do that soon! What would life be without friends?