It's a quarter after 12, I'm a little drunk & yeaaaaa......

So I broke the cardinal rule of drinking/cellphone etiquette Friday. I legitimately drunk dialed a guy I have been talking to and then proceeded to have a 5 minute conversation, none of which I remember. Texted him the next day saying sorry if I said anything ridiculous I was a little drunk. No response. Lovely.

I've taken to my friends for advice on wtf I should do and they reassured me it happens a lot and if he's not writing back, f him. I appreciate their advice, but this behavior is not like me. I don't know what came over me to call him. but I did. What I said, I do not know. In my judgmental head, I am thinking I drunkenly told him I liked him, wanna see him, totally freaking him out.

My bottom line is, when you do something to compromise yourself and feel embarrassed about your actions, how do you recover? I know to most, this doesn't seem like a major issue, and it isn't. For me, this guy doesn't know me very well yet, and whatever I spewed out at 1230 at night to him, right now I am thinking the worst.

I keep telling myself, he's not worth it if he hasn't given me piece of mind about it. It just sucks that I need him to feel this piece of mind. To be blunt, I am pretty sure I blew it, even if what I said wasn't bad.

Upon this recent flub on my part, I am swearing off the alcohol for a while. I don't drink too much to begin with, but REALLY with calling the guy you like DRUNK and NOT REMEMBERING? Not one of my proudest moments. I can't say the past is in the past, because it's still gripping me presently....

One day, with the right person, I won't feel this overwhelming fear of the unknown; Resulting to calling him drunk to gain clarity, thus in the end making everything more complex than before. I am sick of this crap.

Oh Happy Mothereffin Valentines.

Plain Brown Wrapper

Mr. Burns and I are embarking in a tough time in our relationship.

Collectively, we don't know if there is a future. At the beginning, I was sure I'd finally found my man. But after a year of his uncertainty - now I too am unsure. From where I stand, it seems to come down to his inability to determine whether or not he is in love. He says he's never been there before - and I think that is the root of his problem.

I read a relationship book that I borrowed from a friend. Like most relationship books, it wasn't a whole lot of anything you hadn't figured out on your own if your eyes were open - but still good to remind you, "Ah yes, this is what works and what doesn't and why." So it is helpful from that standpoint.

Upon finishing, I asked Mr. Burns to read it. I thought it would open up some discussions.
At first he asked when he possibly had time to read it.
I apologized for the purple, cursive, flowery cover.
Then I offered to make a plain book cover for it. He laughed.
I actually did cut down a brown paper grocery bag - fashioned a cover like the ones we made in school - then wrote on the front "Plain Brown Wrapper".

I teased him that I would write, "Porn" on the cover so that he could carry it confidently in the airport. Ha! *

Well, when he landed the first day of his trip he told me he was three chapters in. He even pointed out the biggest concern that I shared from those first chapters.
This is progress! I thought. I was so pleased that he was willing to read the book. It seemed like a good step considering the let-down surrounding my visit home (see post below)

I picked Mr. Burns up from the airport last night. He started a conversation about the issues in the book! Wow!
He also said he wanted to finish the last few chapters.

Dear Lord, I was right. I knew if we could land on a common language to speak - we might get somewhere. He's better able to see things from my perspective. And in all fairness... I need to learn to see his perspective, but I need his help to show me. That too is where the book is helping.

Now I'm not saying this is some sort of magic book. All I'm saying is... beginning with our great ability and desire to communicate openly - and then adding a common language and topics to discuss - there is progress.
Most of all, I am touched by his willingness to both read the book, (how many guys would groan about THAT?!) and to discuss it. Yay.


* please do not infer in any way that I condone porn. Mr. Burns also, would never read or engage in porn. That is part of the joke.

Romantic Gestures

What constitutes a romantic gesture in a relationship?
Something out of the ordinary? Going out of your way to do something you wouldn't mind doing anyway?


It seems something as simple as going to watch his flag football game was enough to earn points as a romantic gesture in his book. Mr. Burns was impressed just that I showed up. It had him smiling sweetly at me all day.

I think maybe I fail to see the little things he does as romantic gestures. I'm not really looking for them... what I would consider romantic are things he's just not going to think of. (Just as I had no idea that showing up for his game was going to have the impact that it did.)


A couple weeks ago when I showed up at his house, Mr. Burns said he had something special to share with me. He opened the fridge and displayed a fresh pomegranate!


I was a bit bewildered as to why this was special... outside of the fact that we're both Midwesterners living in a mountain state - so that makes a pomegranate an exotic fruit. This was a romantic gesture. And as soon as I understood that, I saw just how sweet it was.


Problem was we had no idea what to do with it. I cut it open and we just sat there and stared at it.
I eventually managed to squeeze 3 tablespoons of juice out of it!

He just wanted to share a new experience with me. Here is something I know nothing about... let's figure it out together.
I think that manner of thinking bodes well for the future!

Tough on him?

At what point to standards become too tough - or too loose? Just how far should you go to accept another's shortcomings, or go to lengths to make up for them?

There's a 20 year old woman at my new job - who just got promoted to manager of another location. I only just met her and she seems to be good at her job, takes things seriously and so forth at least as far as work is concerned.

Since the sudden promotion has her working at a new location the plan she and her new boyfriend had in place to work in the same area and share a car is now defunct.

Three of us women were discussing it, she said her BF thinks she should take the bus to her new job and he'll take the car. She explained that the logistics actually make it easier for him to take public transport - and our manager emphasized that as part of the promotion - she has an obligation and expectation to be at work on time, and able to travel between stores.

When the fact that it was HER car came up - I declared no contest - she gets to take the car! When she mentioned they've only been dating (never mind KNOWN each other) for two months... I said, "Forget it... he doesn't even get KEYS to the car!"

Well, tonight I met the BF. He seems to be a good enough guy - as young as she is... and as it came up that they are living together he said to me, "I'm sure you'd have the same thing to say about it as everyone else."

Yeah, he's right. Never mind that I would never live with a man I wasn't married to - but AFTER two months?!?!!? Are ya kidding? I didn't want to be preachy, so I didn't even mention that Mr. Burns and I have been dating nearly 8 months and haven't even slept together.

I did say that I've never lived with a man - and wouldn't unless he were my husband. He replied, "Well yeah, at your age." I don't even know what that means!

My real concern is what happened at the end of our shift. I had been practicing with the camera and took several photos of her. There were some she didn't want him to see -- he grabbed her wrists. When she broke free, he grabbed the camera by the lens - and that's when my instinct took over.
"Hey! Never forceably grab a camera by the lens! I'm trained to protect a camera and I'll take you down." I tried to use a kidding voice, but I meant to make my feelings clear about forceable grabbing - and respect - mostly in association with people but using the camera as an example.

I think they both just decided I was a hard*ss - so I backed off a bit.

She was closing up the shop for the evening and he kept horsing around, which I think is inappropriate for work. (but I'm 37 and they're 20 so I tried to account for the difference) He grabbed her wrists a couple more times while horseplaying - but now it has me concerned.

Grabbing someone's wrists is the easiest way to make them powerless. I find it disturbing that he's so quick to do such a thing. Am I just being an old fart?

Anyway, back to the question at the top of this post.
The day after I told this girl that she - no contest - gets the car and that he shouldn't even have a set of keys - she reported telling him that I would have dumped him already!
I realized then that I must have come off a bit gruff.

But I also told Mr. Burns about it and he agrees with me... no way does that loser get the keys! Mr. Burns took it a step further, saying she's setting herself up to get used. If he asks for the world and you give him that and the moon, why should he stop there?

The more I think about explaining this, the more I hear all those voices that told me throughout the years (when I said I wouldn't put up with this, and I wouldn't put up with that...) "Well, that's why you're alone. That's why you don't have a boyfriend."

Really? Is it worth it to accept disrespect and lousy treatment just to have a guy to smooch on? I think that's just an excuse that gets lousy guys laid. People who don't hold themselves to high standards don't want to be compared to those who do, now do they?

Hmmm. I'm rather proud of the fact that my standards were too high to settle for a man who would use me or take advantage of me. Whether it was about a car, cash or sex... I've always expected more of a man.

I just want to plant a seed with this young woman (who is clearly in the twitterpaited stage of this relationship and eager to please) that it's okay to expect repect. She deserves it. She should be getting something out of this relationship too.

Thoughts? Am I fuddyduddy? Am I making too much of his grabbing?