I take my Christmas Tree down on the feast of the Epiphany (The celebration of the Three Wise Men reaching the baby Jesus under yonder star - Jan 6th ) just like my mom always did.
As I sat upon the floor, carefully wrapping all those ornaments for another years’ storage, I thought how sad it is that they only get a few weeks to show off every year.
I have so much fun rediscovering them when I decorate the tree. When I went away to college, Santa started to leave Winnie-the-Pooh ornaments in my stocking each Christmas. I have quite a collection now, and they are all so charming I smile like a fool as I take each one out of it's box.
Most of my other ornaments are variations on snowmen. So cute and jolly, I can even remember where I was when I found each one. Sometimes I pick them up on vacation, so they do hold significant meaning and memories.
There is another category of ornaments made up of gifts. Gleaned as souvenirs from trips my friends have made. One is from the Church staff where I once taught CCD class. Another signifying the anniversary of the work on Crazy Horse Memorial, was given to me by Ruth Ziolkowski, wife of the original sculptor of the mountain, Korczak.
Surely, everyone has sentimental feelings for their ornaments. I had the same feeling when I helped my mom decorate the tree as a little girl. Tonight, that’s where my thoughts seemed to dwell.
I thought, “How can these trinkets be so special when they are only special to me? This experience, awash with memories…it’s meant to be shared.” So as I tucked one more Pooh Bear along with Tigger into it’s original collector’s box, I made a little wish on the star they are holding: Maybe it was more of a statement of confidence… “Next year, I’ll have someone to share these with.”
Monday, January 8, 2007
Monday, January 1, 2007
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Three New Dating Rules (for men)
I'm having an ongoing debate with a guy friend of mine. We discuss our dating woes, and turn to each other to figure out just what the other gender is thinking!
He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."
I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"
Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.
Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.
Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.
A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.
All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)
I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."
ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!
So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.
"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.
2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.
3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.
Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.
We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.
He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."
I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"
Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.
Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.
Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.
A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.
All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)
I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."
ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!
So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.
"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.
2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.
3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.
Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.
We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Table for One?
I'm very lucky to have a great job for an employer who sends me all over the country with a generous expense account. I enjoy seeking out restaurants unique to the city I'm visiting (No Applebee's and other chains for me!)
The downside to this great fortune is that I often find myself dining alone.
It's rather tedious to while away the time in a restaurant watching other tables receive their food, or overhearing the conversations at nearby tables. In a casual or fast food restaurant I wouldn't hesitate to pull out a book or a newspaper, or even a laptop computer if I had one.
However, in a finer dining establishment, it seems boorish to stick my nose in a book or spread a newspaper on the table. (While it might be a good use of time to catch up with friends or with my mother, I wouldn't think of using my cell phone in such a situation.)
What do you all think? Is it acceptable to entertain oneself by reading in this setting? Or is it perfectly rude?
To add further consternation to the dilemma, I would hate to give the impression to some handsome and delightful single gentleman, that I'd be adverse to striking up a conversation. Or from having any other charming solo diner join me for a meal. (This is rare I know, but I have been fortunate in the past. The prerequisite, hinging on the stranger being delightful!)
Any suggestions for passing the time other than reading and rereading the specials? Or possibly tinkering with the candle on the table?
The downside to this great fortune is that I often find myself dining alone.
It's rather tedious to while away the time in a restaurant watching other tables receive their food, or overhearing the conversations at nearby tables. In a casual or fast food restaurant I wouldn't hesitate to pull out a book or a newspaper, or even a laptop computer if I had one.
However, in a finer dining establishment, it seems boorish to stick my nose in a book or spread a newspaper on the table. (While it might be a good use of time to catch up with friends or with my mother, I wouldn't think of using my cell phone in such a situation.)
What do you all think? Is it acceptable to entertain oneself by reading in this setting? Or is it perfectly rude?
To add further consternation to the dilemma, I would hate to give the impression to some handsome and delightful single gentleman, that I'd be adverse to striking up a conversation. Or from having any other charming solo diner join me for a meal. (This is rare I know, but I have been fortunate in the past. The prerequisite, hinging on the stranger being delightful!)
Any suggestions for passing the time other than reading and rereading the specials? Or possibly tinkering with the candle on the table?
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Oh I'm Sorry, Did YOU Settle?
My friend Nikki read me this advice column over the phone. It's from "Tell Me About It: Carolyn Hax" Sydicated column.
We are both thrilled to have an arsenal of answers to the undying question:
Carolyn:
I am a woman in my thirties who has never been married. I have no intention of getting married until I find the right person. I get many questions as to why I am not married, and people often answer their own question with remarks like, "There must be something wrong with you." What is that supposed to mean? Please help me give an appropriate answer so I won't look like a deer in headlights.
Deer
Those remarks mean you're talking to an idiot. Nothing more.
There are many appropriate answers here -- honest ones (looking like a deer in headlights); raw ones ("What a terrible question"); exasperated ones ("Because something's wrong with me"); hostile ones ("To help you feel superior"); overcompensating ones ("Just lucky, I guess"); confrontational ones ("Why, am I making you nervous?"); non-ones ("Oh my, look at the time!"); rhetorical ones ("Just how small is your world?"); absurd ones ("I'm allergic to buttercream"); straight ones ("I haven't found the right person"). All are appropriate, none are owed, except maybe an "Excuse me," before you walk away.
Nikki's favorite is the rhetorical: "Just how small is your world?"
My favorite, no surprise is the absurd: "I'm Allergic to Buttercream!" Tee Hee!
It's taken me years but I think I've finally formulated an answer of my own. It came about when a bore of a man, poking into other people's business, turned to my business and said, "What about you? Do you have children?" No. "None? Are you married? Have a boyfriend?" No. I don't even have a cat. "Wow. Nothing?! You must be picky."
Now why does that make me picky? We're talking about the rest of my life! I have a right to picky!
Honestly, it took me until the next day. That's when I finally decided that I should have said, "You seem to have a good marriage. Did you settle?"
That's my answer now. "Did you settle? Why should I?"
My next favorite self-composed answer is: "Some people spend their whole lives searching for their better half. I have realized that I'm already complete."
(Source: Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 )
We are both thrilled to have an arsenal of answers to the undying question:
Carolyn:
I am a woman in my thirties who has never been married. I have no intention of getting married until I find the right person. I get many questions as to why I am not married, and people often answer their own question with remarks like, "There must be something wrong with you." What is that supposed to mean? Please help me give an appropriate answer so I won't look like a deer in headlights.
Deer
Those remarks mean you're talking to an idiot. Nothing more.
There are many appropriate answers here -- honest ones (looking like a deer in headlights); raw ones ("What a terrible question"); exasperated ones ("Because something's wrong with me"); hostile ones ("To help you feel superior"); overcompensating ones ("Just lucky, I guess"); confrontational ones ("Why, am I making you nervous?"); non-ones ("Oh my, look at the time!"); rhetorical ones ("Just how small is your world?"); absurd ones ("I'm allergic to buttercream"); straight ones ("I haven't found the right person"). All are appropriate, none are owed, except maybe an "Excuse me," before you walk away.
Nikki's favorite is the rhetorical: "Just how small is your world?"
My favorite, no surprise is the absurd: "I'm Allergic to Buttercream!" Tee Hee!
It's taken me years but I think I've finally formulated an answer of my own. It came about when a bore of a man, poking into other people's business, turned to my business and said, "What about you? Do you have children?" No. "None? Are you married? Have a boyfriend?" No. I don't even have a cat. "Wow. Nothing?! You must be picky."
Now why does that make me picky? We're talking about the rest of my life! I have a right to picky!
Honestly, it took me until the next day. That's when I finally decided that I should have said, "You seem to have a good marriage. Did you settle?"
That's my answer now. "Did you settle? Why should I?"
My next favorite self-composed answer is: "Some people spend their whole lives searching for their better half. I have realized that I'm already complete."
(Source: Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 )
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Illusions of Grandeur
You’ll find someone the moment you stop looking.
Bull.
I’m so sick of people saying that. You can’t not look. You just can’t.
The people who offer this little ‘wives tale’… um, gee. Yeah. They’re wives. It’s not wisdom. It’s Marriage Amnesia.
Somehow, these people think that’s how they met their Mister Wonderful. Oh, yes. Right. She just stopped looking. Lies. Lies. Much like politicians, wives just re-write history.
Case in point:
A dear friend of mine made this statement. I was visiting her and her wonderful husband after their wedding and baby number one. We were lounging in their living room, drinking wine and reconnecting after at least a year apart, talking of course about my trials in dating.
She said, “I know that I found (my husband)when I finally stopped looking.”*
*sound effect: screeching brakes.
Let me fill you in. We were next-door neighbors for about two years. Much of our time was spent trading updates on dates. I was privy to her step-by-step process of finding Mr. Right. I have accurate, real-time recall. She was definitely looking.
So when she suggested that she discovered her charming and doting hubby when she had stopped looking, I balked. I turned my head toward hubby, we exchanged a knowing look, and I challenged the wife.
“My dear,” I said, “That’s not true.” She was surprised, prepared to challenge my assessment right back. I continued. “You just weren’t looking for him.”
She would have none of it. With a pleading look toward her husband she said, "Is that what you think?”
He jumped right on it. “Absolutely! You definitely weren’t looking for me.”
Then we both reminded her, how she was dismayed at his height – Too short, despite the fact that he’s the exact same height as she. His hairline came into question, as well as his laugh. Which is loud, attention-getting and contagious (read: delightful).
She thought she should have a tall, strapping, hairy, plaid flannel wearing, logger of a man. This man didn’t fit the picture in her mind. On more than one occasion, I told her that if she really didn’t want him, just send him across the hall. He’s one of the best guys myself or my friends had ever encountered.
Now, as she remembers it, she wasn’t looking. The fact is, what she found wasn’t what she thought she was looking for.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you stop looking. We’ll all stop looking when we stop breathing. Or when we get married. Whichever comes first.
Now, I do agree with the suggestion to involve yourself in other pursuits. Don't just sit around waiting for a man. Delve into your interests, develop your character, be interesting in the process. Yes, that's preferable and admirable.
But you can be really busy... and still be looking for good man.
Bull.
I’m so sick of people saying that. You can’t not look. You just can’t.
The people who offer this little ‘wives tale’… um, gee. Yeah. They’re wives. It’s not wisdom. It’s Marriage Amnesia.
Somehow, these people think that’s how they met their Mister Wonderful. Oh, yes. Right. She just stopped looking. Lies. Lies. Much like politicians, wives just re-write history.
Case in point:
A dear friend of mine made this statement. I was visiting her and her wonderful husband after their wedding and baby number one. We were lounging in their living room, drinking wine and reconnecting after at least a year apart, talking of course about my trials in dating.
She said, “I know that I found (my husband)when I finally stopped looking.”*
*sound effect: screeching brakes.
Let me fill you in. We were next-door neighbors for about two years. Much of our time was spent trading updates on dates. I was privy to her step-by-step process of finding Mr. Right. I have accurate, real-time recall. She was definitely looking.
So when she suggested that she discovered her charming and doting hubby when she had stopped looking, I balked. I turned my head toward hubby, we exchanged a knowing look, and I challenged the wife.
“My dear,” I said, “That’s not true.” She was surprised, prepared to challenge my assessment right back. I continued. “You just weren’t looking for him.”
She would have none of it. With a pleading look toward her husband she said, "Is that what you think?”
He jumped right on it. “Absolutely! You definitely weren’t looking for me.”
Then we both reminded her, how she was dismayed at his height – Too short, despite the fact that he’s the exact same height as she. His hairline came into question, as well as his laugh. Which is loud, attention-getting and contagious (read: delightful).
She thought she should have a tall, strapping, hairy, plaid flannel wearing, logger of a man. This man didn’t fit the picture in her mind. On more than one occasion, I told her that if she really didn’t want him, just send him across the hall. He’s one of the best guys myself or my friends had ever encountered.
Now, as she remembers it, she wasn’t looking. The fact is, what she found wasn’t what she thought she was looking for.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you stop looking. We’ll all stop looking when we stop breathing. Or when we get married. Whichever comes first.
Now, I do agree with the suggestion to involve yourself in other pursuits. Don't just sit around waiting for a man. Delve into your interests, develop your character, be interesting in the process. Yes, that's preferable and admirable.
But you can be really busy... and still be looking for good man.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Ain't No Prince Charming
My niece told me that I really need to get married.
Oh my.
I asked her why she thought so, worrying that she had some outdated, childish fairytale notion.
Imagine my surprise when she replied, "Because I want another uncle."
I laughed and said, "Well that's the best reason I've heard yet. You're going to have to be patient though, because I want to be sure you get the coolest, most fun uncle. After all, this is the only one we get to pick out."
She agreed, pointing out that her existing uncles are sub-par. One of them is very close to her own age, and the other, on her mother's side is a pretty lame fellow who doesn't really spend any time with her and her brother and sister.
"Well then, you must agree that I need to be careful about who I choose. He needs to be fun, and nice and interesting to make up for your other uncles."
Oh. She agrees wholeheartedly. So there you go guys. You're not just wooing me, you have to be good enough for my niece.
No pressure.
Oh my.
I asked her why she thought so, worrying that she had some outdated, childish fairytale notion.
Imagine my surprise when she replied, "Because I want another uncle."
I laughed and said, "Well that's the best reason I've heard yet. You're going to have to be patient though, because I want to be sure you get the coolest, most fun uncle. After all, this is the only one we get to pick out."
She agreed, pointing out that her existing uncles are sub-par. One of them is very close to her own age, and the other, on her mother's side is a pretty lame fellow who doesn't really spend any time with her and her brother and sister.
"Well then, you must agree that I need to be careful about who I choose. He needs to be fun, and nice and interesting to make up for your other uncles."
Oh. She agrees wholeheartedly. So there you go guys. You're not just wooing me, you have to be good enough for my niece.
No pressure.
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