Illusions of Grandeur

You’ll find someone the moment you stop looking.

Bull.

I’m so sick of people saying that. You can’t not look. You just can’t.
The people who offer this little ‘wives tale’… um, gee. Yeah. They’re wives. It’s not wisdom. It’s Marriage Amnesia.

Somehow, these people think that’s how they met their Mister Wonderful. Oh, yes. Right. She just stopped looking. Lies. Lies. Much like politicians, wives just re-write history.

Case in point:

A dear friend of mine made this statement. I was visiting her and her wonderful husband after their wedding and baby number one. We were lounging in their living room, drinking wine and reconnecting after at least a year apart, talking of course about my trials in dating.

She said, “I know that I found (my husband)when I finally stopped looking.”*

*sound effect: screeching brakes.

Let me fill you in. We were next-door neighbors for about two years. Much of our time was spent trading updates on dates. I was privy to her step-by-step process of finding Mr. Right. I have accurate, real-time recall. She was definitely looking.

So when she suggested that she discovered her charming and doting hubby when she had stopped looking, I balked. I turned my head toward hubby, we exchanged a knowing look, and I challenged the wife.

“My dear,” I said, “That’s not true.” She was surprised, prepared to challenge my assessment right back. I continued. “You just weren’t looking for him.”

She would have none of it. With a pleading look toward her husband she said, "Is that what you think?”
He jumped right on it. “Absolutely! You definitely weren’t looking for me.”

Then we both reminded her, how she was dismayed at his height – Too short, despite the fact that he’s the exact same height as she. His hairline came into question, as well as his laugh. Which is loud, attention-getting and contagious (read: delightful).

She thought she should have a tall, strapping, hairy, plaid flannel wearing, logger of a man. This man didn’t fit the picture in her mind. On more than one occasion, I told her that if she really didn’t want him, just send him across the hall. He’s one of the best guys myself or my friends had ever encountered.

Now, as she remembers it, she wasn’t looking. The fact is, what she found wasn’t what she thought she was looking for.


Don’t listen to anyone who tells you stop looking. We’ll all stop looking when we stop breathing. Or when we get married. Whichever comes first.

Now, I do agree with the suggestion to involve yourself in other pursuits. Don't just sit around waiting for a man. Delve into your interests, develop your character, be interesting in the process. Yes, that's preferable and admirable.

But you can be really busy... and still be looking for good man.