Thursday, March 1, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Sunday, February 4, 2007
I'm a Serial Dater
This year I enlisted my friends to help me with my New Year's Resolution.
I sent out a mass email to nearly everyone in my address book explaining that I have been alone for far too long and I clearly need some help meeting men outside my current social circle.
To do that, I've asked everyone to introduce me to one man this year.
I was afraid it smacked of desperation, until I asked a good guy friend what he thought of my email... and he replied, "No. It smacked of 'I'm serious and I'm asking for your help.'"
At least my friends know me well!
So, it's week 5 of 2007 and my friends are holding up their end of the deal. I've been introduced to three new guys so far. That's a pretty good ratio.
The first one was a pretty hot bald guy. I could be interested but he was a bit shy. Based on my interest level - pursuit would have to come from him.
Meanwhile, I went out with a guy I met on New Year's Eve... and have had a few dates with a guy I met last year.
Then the second one was last night. Also a nice guy, but my gut tells me that his redneck rural background (same as mine, but I moved to the city for a reason) is going to be a dealbreaker.
I hate to jinx anything here... but it could be ... three's a charm!
L and J had a Super Bowl Party tonight and L enlisted her hubby to invite someone for me. A guy he 'sorta' works with and whom she doesn't really know. She reported that all J would offer by way of description was, "He's cute." which concerned her as she's not sure about her husband's taste in men.
When I arrived, artichoke dip in hand... L ushered me downstairs as quickly as possible... whispering "he IS cute." and promptly made the introduction. Then she scurried back upstairs after witnessing our reactions and told J, "I think we made a love connection."
Ha! Let's not get ahead of ourselves! But here's the ranking... Catholic.. (youngest of 8 children) Engineer... kinda cute... VERY NICE ! We had an instant... "Hey, I like you" sort of rapport, and spent a lot of time talking.
I left in the fourth quarter for another party - he got my number and told me that he's excited that I'm Catholic... it's really important to him.
Hmmm. I think this will be the first practicing Catholic that I've ever dated. Check that, he won't call until later next week. Has a work trip.
But when I left the party L made a point of saying... "Invite us to the wedding!" Ha! Way to jinx it L!
At any rate, a lot of people teased me that I'd be the serial dater... but I have stressed that the goal is to eliminate the need for introductions as soon as possible!
I'm aiming for summer. But sooner is better.
I sent out a mass email to nearly everyone in my address book explaining that I have been alone for far too long and I clearly need some help meeting men outside my current social circle.
To do that, I've asked everyone to introduce me to one man this year.
I was afraid it smacked of desperation, until I asked a good guy friend what he thought of my email... and he replied, "No. It smacked of 'I'm serious and I'm asking for your help.'"
At least my friends know me well!
So, it's week 5 of 2007 and my friends are holding up their end of the deal. I've been introduced to three new guys so far. That's a pretty good ratio.
The first one was a pretty hot bald guy. I could be interested but he was a bit shy. Based on my interest level - pursuit would have to come from him.
Meanwhile, I went out with a guy I met on New Year's Eve... and have had a few dates with a guy I met last year.
Then the second one was last night. Also a nice guy, but my gut tells me that his redneck rural background (same as mine, but I moved to the city for a reason) is going to be a dealbreaker.
I hate to jinx anything here... but it could be ... three's a charm!
L and J had a Super Bowl Party tonight and L enlisted her hubby to invite someone for me. A guy he 'sorta' works with and whom she doesn't really know. She reported that all J would offer by way of description was, "He's cute." which concerned her as she's not sure about her husband's taste in men.
When I arrived, artichoke dip in hand... L ushered me downstairs as quickly as possible... whispering "he IS cute." and promptly made the introduction. Then she scurried back upstairs after witnessing our reactions and told J, "I think we made a love connection."
Ha! Let's not get ahead of ourselves! But here's the ranking... Catholic.. (youngest of 8 children) Engineer... kinda cute... VERY NICE ! We had an instant... "Hey, I like you" sort of rapport, and spent a lot of time talking.
I left in the fourth quarter for another party - he got my number and told me that he's excited that I'm Catholic... it's really important to him.
Hmmm. I think this will be the first practicing Catholic that I've ever dated. Check that, he won't call until later next week. Has a work trip.
But when I left the party L made a point of saying... "Invite us to the wedding!" Ha! Way to jinx it L!
At any rate, a lot of people teased me that I'd be the serial dater... but I have stressed that the goal is to eliminate the need for introductions as soon as possible!
I'm aiming for summer. But sooner is better.
Monday, January 8, 2007
Shelving the Future
I take my Christmas Tree down on the feast of the Epiphany (The celebration of the Three Wise Men reaching the baby Jesus under yonder star - Jan 6th ) just like my mom always did.
As I sat upon the floor, carefully wrapping all those ornaments for another years’ storage, I thought how sad it is that they only get a few weeks to show off every year.
I have so much fun rediscovering them when I decorate the tree. When I went away to college, Santa started to leave Winnie-the-Pooh ornaments in my stocking each Christmas. I have quite a collection now, and they are all so charming I smile like a fool as I take each one out of it's box.
Most of my other ornaments are variations on snowmen. So cute and jolly, I can even remember where I was when I found each one. Sometimes I pick them up on vacation, so they do hold significant meaning and memories.
There is another category of ornaments made up of gifts. Gleaned as souvenirs from trips my friends have made. One is from the Church staff where I once taught CCD class. Another signifying the anniversary of the work on Crazy Horse Memorial, was given to me by Ruth Ziolkowski, wife of the original sculptor of the mountain, Korczak.
Surely, everyone has sentimental feelings for their ornaments. I had the same feeling when I helped my mom decorate the tree as a little girl. Tonight, that’s where my thoughts seemed to dwell.
I thought, “How can these trinkets be so special when they are only special to me? This experience, awash with memories…it’s meant to be shared.” So as I tucked one more Pooh Bear along with Tigger into it’s original collector’s box, I made a little wish on the star they are holding: Maybe it was more of a statement of confidence… “Next year, I’ll have someone to share these with.”
As I sat upon the floor, carefully wrapping all those ornaments for another years’ storage, I thought how sad it is that they only get a few weeks to show off every year.
I have so much fun rediscovering them when I decorate the tree. When I went away to college, Santa started to leave Winnie-the-Pooh ornaments in my stocking each Christmas. I have quite a collection now, and they are all so charming I smile like a fool as I take each one out of it's box.
Most of my other ornaments are variations on snowmen. So cute and jolly, I can even remember where I was when I found each one. Sometimes I pick them up on vacation, so they do hold significant meaning and memories.
There is another category of ornaments made up of gifts. Gleaned as souvenirs from trips my friends have made. One is from the Church staff where I once taught CCD class. Another signifying the anniversary of the work on Crazy Horse Memorial, was given to me by Ruth Ziolkowski, wife of the original sculptor of the mountain, Korczak.
Surely, everyone has sentimental feelings for their ornaments. I had the same feeling when I helped my mom decorate the tree as a little girl. Tonight, that’s where my thoughts seemed to dwell.
I thought, “How can these trinkets be so special when they are only special to me? This experience, awash with memories…it’s meant to be shared.” So as I tucked one more Pooh Bear along with Tigger into it’s original collector’s box, I made a little wish on the star they are holding: Maybe it was more of a statement of confidence… “Next year, I’ll have someone to share these with.”
Monday, January 1, 2007
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Three New Dating Rules (for men)
I'm having an ongoing debate with a guy friend of mine. We discuss our dating woes, and turn to each other to figure out just what the other gender is thinking!
He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."
I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"
Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.
Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.
Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.
A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.
All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)
I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."
ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!
So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.
"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.
2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.
3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.
Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.
We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.
He keeps quoting the movie 'Swingers'
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/
The movie follows an unfortunate fellow as he tries to get over his last girl. He meets another woman and asks his friend when he should call her. The response, "Two days is the industry standard. I think four is kinda money."
I believe this scene as well as some unfortunate books have perpetuated a dating syndrome called, "Contact Idiocy"
Everyone is making grand efforts not to appear too eager. Guys want to 'play it cool'.
Everyone is waiting two days or more to return phone calls, thinking they don't want to look pathetic! It's ridiculous! Just make contact. It's the only way to move forward.
Here's the latest example of what has happened to me:
I meet a guy that I was introduced to on eHarmony. We have dinner. It's nice. I'm actually pleasantly surprised. He's better looking than his photo, he's a gentleman and easy to talk to. After the date, I send an email thanking him for dinner and mentioning a couple things I like about him.
A day later he responds via email that we should go out again. He writes that he'll call me to set a date. A week later, NOTHING! Finally he calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. I listen to the message thinking, "Who's Joe*?" Then it comes back to me.
All my friends advised me to wait two days to return his call. (I don't want to play games -but they are married and I'm not so I figure I'll do as they say)
I leave a message two days later. After two more days, I leave another saying, "We're having a hard time reaching each other. Thought I'd make an effort."
ARGH! So, from first date to making a second date... THREE WEEKS! Wow! Way to woo me!
So here are some tips for men.
1) If you are ACTUALLY interested in a woman - Call her! And call her promptly. (within two days - I'll explain below) Don't worry about playing it cool. I don't know anyone who got the girl by 'playing it cool'.
"Faint heart never won fair lady." words written for Don Quioxte in the 1500s. You don't have to reinvent the wheel.
2) And this is a biggie. When you meet a woman... DON'T say, "I'll call you." Just don't say it. It means nothing to us. We don't believe you anyway.
Don't say it. If you do call, great! That's a nice surpise. We weren't expecting your call to begin with.
I'll make an exception here for a guy who knows that he's smitten and IS ACTUALLY GOING TO CALL HER. If you know - beyond a shadow of a doubt that you want to and WILL call her, go ahead and say so. But now you HAVE to call.
Here's the thing guys. We know that 'I'll call you.' is just what you say to end the conversation. You're feeling awkward and it just falls out of your mouth. Let the awkward silence stand. It's not as awkward as it feels. NEVER say I'll call you.
3) If you want to call a girl to ask her out, act quickly. Don't wait more than a week. The key here is to make an impression on her before your phone call prompts this thought, "Tom? Who's Tom?" "James? James? Do I know a James?"
You see, if we're interested in you we're thinking about you. For a couple days. Then we start thinking about the next guy on the roster. Call us WHILE we're still thinking about you.
Here's an example of how it works:
I remember meeting a guy who was awfully cute but I thought, much younger than I. He asked for my number and said he'd call - so naturally I dismissed him completely.
Within the week, I get a phone call. "Hi. This is Ben." In my head I'm thinking, "Who the Hell is Ben?"
I had only met him 5 days before. He was doing everything right, but I had already washed him out of my head because he said he would call - so I was sure that I would never hear from him.
We did go out and had a lovely time. We're still friends four years later.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Table for One?
I'm very lucky to have a great job for an employer who sends me all over the country with a generous expense account. I enjoy seeking out restaurants unique to the city I'm visiting (No Applebee's and other chains for me!)
The downside to this great fortune is that I often find myself dining alone.
It's rather tedious to while away the time in a restaurant watching other tables receive their food, or overhearing the conversations at nearby tables. In a casual or fast food restaurant I wouldn't hesitate to pull out a book or a newspaper, or even a laptop computer if I had one.
However, in a finer dining establishment, it seems boorish to stick my nose in a book or spread a newspaper on the table. (While it might be a good use of time to catch up with friends or with my mother, I wouldn't think of using my cell phone in such a situation.)
What do you all think? Is it acceptable to entertain oneself by reading in this setting? Or is it perfectly rude?
To add further consternation to the dilemma, I would hate to give the impression to some handsome and delightful single gentleman, that I'd be adverse to striking up a conversation. Or from having any other charming solo diner join me for a meal. (This is rare I know, but I have been fortunate in the past. The prerequisite, hinging on the stranger being delightful!)
Any suggestions for passing the time other than reading and rereading the specials? Or possibly tinkering with the candle on the table?
The downside to this great fortune is that I often find myself dining alone.
It's rather tedious to while away the time in a restaurant watching other tables receive their food, or overhearing the conversations at nearby tables. In a casual or fast food restaurant I wouldn't hesitate to pull out a book or a newspaper, or even a laptop computer if I had one.
However, in a finer dining establishment, it seems boorish to stick my nose in a book or spread a newspaper on the table. (While it might be a good use of time to catch up with friends or with my mother, I wouldn't think of using my cell phone in such a situation.)
What do you all think? Is it acceptable to entertain oneself by reading in this setting? Or is it perfectly rude?
To add further consternation to the dilemma, I would hate to give the impression to some handsome and delightful single gentleman, that I'd be adverse to striking up a conversation. Or from having any other charming solo diner join me for a meal. (This is rare I know, but I have been fortunate in the past. The prerequisite, hinging on the stranger being delightful!)
Any suggestions for passing the time other than reading and rereading the specials? Or possibly tinkering with the candle on the table?
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